Montezuma’s Revenge

Tags

Mexico, Mountains, Outdoors, Ruins, Sickness, Travel, Water

When we last met our heroes they were on the west coast valiantly striving in their efforts to gain a tan and no longer be the brightest of day-glow people on the beach. Since that time they have traversed great expanses charming and bewildering the Mexican people in equal measures

 

They entered the great city of Oaxaca where they were delighted by its art, culture and food. A state that boasts 7 kinds of mole was ok by them (that’s mo-lay – a sauce, not different preparations of the subterranean mammal). They strolled the streets of Oaxaca, christened the bathrooms of a club of two (apparently Brylee can’t handle mezcal – a strong Mexican drink), and celebrated their teeth with a parade full of drunken dentists while the mezcal flowed from huge plastic containers.

 

Ruins were visited (some amazing, some only good for providing a fine venue for a dinosaur battle).

Above: amazing. Below: battle zone.

The world’s largest tree was perused.

 

Brylee, as you can see, was overwhelmed by its majesty.

 

Lastly, Oaxaca left its mark permanently on our travellers using it’s painful ink guns – something that was met with serenity and dignity

 

Oh, and valium.

These are the faces of valium-induced confidence.

 

And these are the products.

 

 

Our intrepid adventurers also hit the mountains, wandering for 4 days over 80kms up and down the mountainside.

 

 

 

Cute animals, couldn’t resist!

There was also a first taste of rural mexican life.

 

Complete with, ummm, let’s go with dead baby scarecrow?

 

Having delved a little too far into the funds (and mole) the next stop was a small organic off the grid farm, solar powered and mostly self-sustainable and a fine place to earn one’s keep for a week or two. Mikey quickly made the mistake of displaying both knowledge and skill and was set to ever more complex tasks (as well as slugging buckets of concrete up ladders).

 

Brylee also quickly displayed her aptitude – nearly destroying a $1000USD water pump resulting in wallowing through muck to clean out tanks.

 

 But check out the cute frogs!

 

She was somewhat redeemed by not fully embarrassing the team with her tamale making skills.

 

Some fantastic friends were made in the little village near to where they were living, and some of the best times so far were had just hanging out, mangling Spanish, and trying to grasp Mexican card games (WTF! The rules change with every hand!).

After all that hard work it was time to relax at one of the most beautiful lakes our protagonists have ever seen, reached by hours of bouncy, dusty (kinda dangerous) travel and a hot sweaty hike, Laguna Miramar (snap Wellington) is in the middle of the rainforest, barely explored and absolutely worth it.

Due to laziness the only attempt to take photos was made during a hazy sunrise so use these photos as a stepping stone to imagining epicness.

 

 

 

It can be confirmed that howler monkeys sound exactly like werewolves cross bred with jaguars that have been starved for several weeks and now smell your sweet sweet blood.

Onto San Cristóbal de las Casas

 

where new friends were made, partying was done, canyons were explored.

 

This canyon was filled with many natural delights, including this “Christmas tree” topped with a face that is reportedly a Mayan mask but was unanimously agreed to actually be Jigsaw from the Saw movies.

 

Finally a trip was made to the Abyss of the Parrots to witness hundreds of tiny green squawkers emerge from their dwelling.

 

Please enjoy this lizard in lieu of a parrot photo, those suckers are FAST!

It was here in San Cristóbal, right when they thought they were safe, that Montezuma finally took his vengeance on our heroes. Montezuma II (or Moctezuma) was the Aztec Emperor of Mexico when the Spanish invaded in the 16^th century. While Montezuma could not prevent this conquest it is said that he continues to take his vengeance out on the foreigners that travel to his fair nation in the form of, ahem, traveller’s diarrhoea. Montezuma, clearly unimpressed with the carefree way that these cocky kiwis were frolicking through his land decided it was time to take action. But Montezuma is a wilily ruler, he did not attack them as they munched food at a street stall, or imbibed a delicious drink cooled with ice. No, he bided his time and waited until their guard was down the most, until they had been eating their own cooking for a couple of days. Then he struck! But which one of our fearless adventurers to take down? Mikey at this time was already feeling tired and run down, no that would never do, they could blame the illness on that. Better to strike the one who was bouncing around with an annoyingly spritely level of energy – then they would know. And wait until it is the day that they are leaving, until they are about to board a bus muhahahaha! Pro tip – crippling stomach cramps and bouncy buses do not a happy traveller make. But courageously they struggled on, stoppers were popped*, the bus was boarded and not a word of complaint was uttered (note some aspects of this story may have been altered for effect). And yet the stomach daggers persisted, it was time to call in some aid. Off they jaunted (well Mikey jaunted, Brylee did something more akin to the loll of Quasimoto) to Palenque, one of the great ancient seats of the Mayans.

  

   

Not letting the rain dampen their enthusiasm (hehe, check out that wit!) they explored the misty shrouded ruins, clambering up and down temples and narrowly avoiding a rather nasty looking snake – due to the slowness of the camera here is his tail

 

It was here at Palenque that the heroes fully tapped into the power of Mexico and assumed their Mayan identities of Agouti/Yellow Rodent

 

and Lady Heart of the Wind Place

 

(these names may have been uplifted from ancient Mayan rulers). Fully empowered they rose up and drove out Montezuma.

That afternoon, as Brylee gleefully supped on a bowl of delicious pasta, they celebrated their victory and prepared themselves for their next domination, for it was time to conquer the Yucatán. That evening saw them boarding another bus, fresh and enthusiastic. And as our heroes bounced off into the distance they had no idea that Montezuma had landed one final blow – right in Mikey’s stomach.

* A note on stoppers, the instructions very clearly state that these are for times when diarrhoea is mild but inconvenient. This is very important for the traveller to keep in mind. During those times where your insides are trying to crawl outside and you must stay within a 2 meter radius of the bathroom and the thought pops into your head “Man am I glad I have diarrhoea right now, this is so convenient” this is not the time for stoppers.